I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
