Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
