it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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