i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
