We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Randomize
