brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
