saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
