so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
