i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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