Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
