he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
