Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
