You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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