Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My cat gives me a boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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