yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
