Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
