I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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