Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
