the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
