More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
