is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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