note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
