it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
