my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
