The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
