Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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