if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
