bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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