look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
