i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
