He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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