they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
