she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
