after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
