We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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