I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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