I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
