Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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