Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
