Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
