The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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