Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
