So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who died my cat blue again?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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