And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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