I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk of Shame today included voting.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
