hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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