we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
