I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When are your genitals available?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
