After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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