Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
