just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
