I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
